cartooneyes

lost

Every day I try to wrap my head around the fact that one of the greatest people i have ever known is no longer with us.

I feel so fucked up right now.  Tomorrow is his birthday and Sunday is his six-month memorial mass.

I can feel myself sliding down the hill back into the darkness that was in my life over 10 years ago.  My brother was the only man I believed when he said I was beautiful.

I was just beginning to get better when he passed away.  I was just trying to reach for some hope that I could have happiness. A loving boyfriend, a wonderful family, supportive friends.  It seems like most of it is in shambles.  Not that some of it isn't my fault.

I don't want anyone to see me.  I don't want to see the looks on their faces when they finally recognize me.  I don't want to hear the clamor of people around me, or their rudeness.  I don't want to be asked how I've been or `how I am doing.  Because all I can do is lie.  Yes, I'm fine. Yes, I'm eating right.  Yes, I have hopes and dreams and goals. How did I lose the weight? a year of thinking something was incredibly wrong with me.  

6 months... 6 months without my Eddy.  The only one who got all of my jokes and made me laugh so hard that i couldn't breathe.  the only man i trusted.

it just hurts.
cartooneyes

Catching up with Twitter

  • 11:18 Dear Pre, I love you baby... why did you leave? Come home, I miss you. <3, Sky #
  • 16:13 Gardening, the pool, grilling. There's only a few things that could make life better. #
  • 18:06 Reunited at last! #
  • 22:32 "I don't like that song, it makes me confused about how to spell bananas." #
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cartooneyes

Catching up with Twitter

  • 02:02 I came home to find my fan missing... There are thieves afoot, lol #
  • 11:50 Stuck at the bank because of this stupid missing debit card. #
  • 19:40 My sister: "My third favorite sound! *crumples dollar bills together*" #
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